You Will Always Be Postpartum

 

My mind has turned to all things postpartum as our community needs have shifted, and so many moms have recently “graduated.”  I’m treasuring my private postnatal yoga sessions, as I listen to all things related to infancy, sleep, and breastfeeding.  Early motherhood is more than a challenge.  I had many ups and down, even really dark days.  Luna was born right around the time I first sensed something was going on with Nico, my first-born son and center of my heart.  While I was lucky to have had an easy and quick recovery from Luna’s birth, as the months went by and Nico’s Autism developed more and more, I drank a lot to deal with my stress and deep grief of what felt like losing my boy.  There were many mornings I was hung over from drinking through the day.  My fight or flight response was in high gear.  I lost chunks of my hair.  I remember having a nervous breakdown, and calling my mom just to cry.  After that call, my mom dropped everything and flew up to be with me.  That same day we decided I needed to see a therapist.  It was the best thing I had done for myself in a long time. 

Nico and Mommy

While it might not seem that grieving when your child has something “wrong” with them is a postpartum issue, I believe it is.   The Postpartum Period really never ends.  You will always be postpartum after giving birth.   You will forever be processing, digesting your birth experience, moving from one adjustment period to the next as your baby grows and changes.  The fact is after you give birth, you will never be the same.  There is no such thing as “bouncing back.”  That’s regression.  In Motherhood, we are always expanding, moving forward, shifting, and growing -through all the ups and downs. 
 
I was recently asked how do I give so much to this community when I have so much going on with my family.  Truth is if I didn’t have this community, I wouldn’t be able to be strong for my family.  I wouldn’t be the mother I want to be.  It’s the sisterhood that keeps me going.  There’s nothing compared to seeing another mom and knowing she’s gone through something very similar to you.  Pregnancy, Birth, Postpartum.  This is our rite of passage as women.  None of us are alone in this, as isolating as early motherhood can feel sometimes.  When I teaching yoga, or attend a birth, or visit a recent mother, I feel our strength, and it keeps me going. 
 
I am deeply grateful for all of you.  You all have inspired me in so many ways both for my career as a birth worker, and as a mother.  I’ve recently been inspired to become a postpartum doula.  I’ll take the training in 3 weeks, and begin my services right away.  Check back on my website for Full Service Doula.  I’ve moved more and more towards supporting women for the whole birth year.  I’ll also be taking a pelvic floor and diastasis recti training.  And infant massage training!  May will be a big month for extending my knowledge so that I can serve Mommas!